Sinners in the hands of an angry god

That's the title of some essay that an American puritan wrote in the 1600s or something. Named Jonathan Something. Had to read it junior year before Walden and things. Right now I'm at work and there's some 50 year old woman in a floral printed top and a pink streak in her hair talking on a cell phone, and that phrase popped into my head. Her husband is wearing her Coach purse on his arm and she has flabby arms. They're yelling at the person on the phone for not calling enough, and the husband just said "you ain't comin in worth beans." (GOOD GOD Eddie Money's TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE is on the radio.) Turns out the guy is some sort of logger who formerly employed sixteen people but just replaced fourteen of them with machines.
America, you really are beautiful.

The fact that I just drank a gallon of coffee is the only thing that is allowing me to tell these people to have a nice day... some people just bought two bumper stickers and asked for a bag even though they already had like five full of clothing and shoes... but seething is not attractive.

So, moving on. There's an ad in this week's NYT magazine (cover story: Girls shouldn't play sports; the results are "not pretty." Thanks, Times, you certainly are our nation's premier progressive news source) on pg 21 that says "Do you own an oil company!!??! YEAH you, Joe America, do! Your place in heaven is next to your oil shares." (paraphrase.) Basically, if you have a mutual find account, it makes money off of oil, coal, etc. The gist of the add is to dispel that crazy notion that only about 5 rich douchebags make money off the oil industry, and that YOU, mutual-fund-having American who may or may not buy cheap beer and watch a televised sporting event on occasion, are ALSO profitting off the oil industry! So don't grow resentful of those rising oil prices! They're only making you money!

"When the industry's earnings are strong, the REAL WINNERS ARE THE MIDDLE-CLASS AMERICANS [cue some patriotic song with American flag waving in the background and photos of young families in old navy t-shirts], people investing in their retirement security or saving for their children's college education. So when political rhetoric gets hot about increasing energy taxes or taking 'excess profits' from US oil companies, it is important to step back, look at the facts, and ask yourself, 'who does that really hurt?'"

Thanks, "the PEOPLE of America's oil and natural gas industry," aka Dick Cheney (who OMYGOD WAS IN MY DREAM LAST NIGHT!!!!111 as a kindly avunvular type!!!111 AHHHHHH) in sheep's clothing.

To whoever finds her or himself at this humble little corner of the world wide interwebs, remember this: most of what you read is complete bullshit, and that goes double for anything sponsored by a website called energytomorrow.org that talks about "middle class Americans" while preaching that you ask yourself things about economic realities.

Also, why is "Lola" the only Kinks song that gets played on the radio? Apparently transvestites are as hilarious a novelty now as they were 30 years ago.