G N R RAWKS!!! part 2

Where we left off: JUST how great IS Paradise City???

The song sucks. Axl Rose was a talentless heroin fiend who thought
he was the second coming of Mick Jagger, except so much more badass
because he lived in ghetto of LA and spent all of his advance from
the label on drugs and Jack and stirrup pants. Guns and Roses for
some reason went with the same catchy-yet-hardcore-
hook-then-gnarly-breakdown-that-actually-is-annoying-and-lame
formula for every one of their 7 minute songs. And they tend to
rhyme things like "city" and "pretty" all while trying to have us
believe that Axl cares about green grass, while at the same time
wanting us very much to believe that he sits in the corner of a
dark, unfurnished room all day drooling on himself and hallucinating,
in the most awesome way possible.

So, not only was Rolling Stone wrong about "Appetite For
Destruction" five years ago, but they continue to lie by putting
these wasted AARP members on the cover RIGHT NOW, because Appetite
For Destruction came out TWENTY YEARS AGO AND CHANGED THE
WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!! (or at least spawned 200 Ratts and Whitesnakes
and Motley Crues, all soon to be made to look very fat and make-up-
wearing by Nirvana, but that's a whole nother story.)

But in a way, Axl is the second coming of Mick because he's old and
embarrasing, but while Mick shops at Limited Too, Axl is bloated and
has cornrows and a plastic face. And, they both outlived Kurt Cobain
so YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for them.

Bottom line: Classic rock radio is for castrated males who
quote Spinal Tap without grasping the irony of that since the whole
thing makes fun of the music they so sadly RAWK OUT to, and I want
a full refund from Rolling Stone for at least half the albums I
bought off of their stupid list(i.e. Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet).
I think I may have caught on to their lies after re-reading the
list and seeing two Eminem albums on it.

Of course, this entire rant is rendered null and void by Rolling
Stone's most recent cover, which makes Axl & Co look like the
Beatles. Some 12 year old boy is getting naked in what is sure to
be the first of his many steps to career suicide: Britney was all
underage and naked once too. At least they're exploiting some young
boy rather than the next olsen twins, etc.
Way to go, Jann Wenner!!!