You know the Situationists, the radical French movement of the 20th century? (Read that link plus anything else you can about them, it will blow your mind. Lipstick Traces by Griel Marcus is an excellent source.)
They sought to deconstruct what they viewed as the oppressive confines of modern capitalism, and came up with a ton of slogans they plastered around Paris, eventually leading to the revolt in France and all over the world in May, 1968.
One such situationist slogan was "Under the Paving Stones, the Beach!" I also have an art site under that name.
This month, within the span of a few days, I recieved the following correspondence:
Good Day,
Am [redated] and i will like to know if you do sell Paving Stones ? If you do then, I will like to know some of the types, sizes and price range of those that you have at the moment. I As soon as you reply me with those information? I will get back you to with the quantity that will like to order so that we can proceed from there.
For the payment, i will like to know if you do take major credit card as method of payment?
Thank you and do not forget to include your Name and Phone number when getting back to me.
Dear Customer
I am Pastor [redatced] and i am sending this Email in regards to Order some (Paving Stones) and i would like to know if you do sell some but if not you need to email me back with the Type,Size and with their Prices you have in stock and also advice me of the major forms of payment that you do accept and can you email me with your contact full name and phone number that i can call to place the Order...Awaiting to hear from you soon
May God Bless you ...Pastor.
Viva la revolucion, indeed.
Showing posts with label irony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label irony. Show all posts
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Irony found dead, smothered by flannel
Fleet Foxes"...the post-collegiate hippie thing really peaked this year.... a return to pastoralism and self-reliance and a sound so free of shiny urban gimmicks that you can almost hear the chickens clucking in the background."
--Slate's Ann Powers on the popularity of Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes in 2008
As the music goes, so goes the culture? A comment from a fan on Fleet Foxes myspace page:
"The Show at The Price of Wales was quite Simply one of the most amazing shows I have ever seen. I was in tears the whole time...haha.. i couldnt even sing along to blue ridge moutain cause my lip wouldnt stop quivering. Thank you.. thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving the gift [of] a truly inspired and beautiful music. PEACE and LOVE."
Here would be an appropriate time time go into issues of Our Generation and how We might be Changing Things for the Better by identifying with sensitive indie rock and bagging the ideals that this country's backbone is currently collapsing under, but I'll spare everyone that (redundant) rant.
I'll just leave it at: who knew beards and flannel (and artful sincerity) would force irony six feet under by 2009? Hats off to you, sensitive men from the woods.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Death Knell (?)
Or, Adbusters, Hire Me! I wrote your hipster cover story when I was twelve.
Soulless narcissists or unwitting heirs to a dead America and enjoying the after-party?
The thesis of Adbusters' cover story is that hipsters signify the decline of Western civilization. Besides the fact that it appears they've gotten ahold of some previous publications, it's a hauntingly articulate account of the vacancy that has supposedly come to define our generation: "It's an odd dance of self-identity-- adamantly denying your existence while wearing clearly defined symbols that proclaim it." Douglas Haddow is upset because hipsters don't give a fuck about anything, a stance that has been well articulated in the past.
First, attacks on the hipness are no fun if they don't assess the context in which the "hipster" phenomenon has spawned. Why do urban twenty-somethings with DIY haircuts who majored in graphic design "attend art parties, take lo-fi pictures with analog cameras, ride their bikes to night clubs and sweat it up at nouveau disco-coke parties"?
Because their parents are rich and falling apart, America is rich and falling apart, and no one, least of all a bunch of twenty somethings raised on a steady diet of sex as a commodity from age four, knows how to fix anything. And why should they want to? There are lots of drugs and lots of good looking people who've yet to prove themselves boring at every party there is.
****** We have a lot of money and a lot of memory. We know what is cool, we are not cool, we want to be cool, we can buy what is cool, we will buy what is cool.
Second, another obvious justification of hating hipsters is that "they killed cool." No, they didn't. If "cool" was invented by Chuck Berry in 1949, or was it Jack Kerouac in 1947, or was it Oscar Wilde and his absinthe in 1920 or was it Manet and his anger and defiance in 1870, it's been leading up to this. Hipsters are not holding the gun, they only wandered onto the scene of the crime and stumbled over some dead bodies. If a 17 year old on E with a mohawk and vintage high tops breakdancing at a party means cool is dead, that's fine. Something else will grow out of that.
If it seems like there's nowhere else to go, its because what is cool if not "subversion of the mainstream," bucking conventional institutions (capitalism), ie wearing DIY and a fuck you, then maybe Jack Kerouac wins. We are the counterculture's wild-eyed children, millions of us, multiplying and dumb like rabbits. And yeah, a lot of what people call "hipsters" due to their leggings and eyewear are boring and stupid. Welcome to America. Thanks, mass media, for making us all hate ourselves. Now, can we all get over our eating disorders and move on? (Haddow: "the dancers are too-self aware to let themselves feel any form of liberation; they shuffle along, shrugging themselves into oblivion." The other side of that line: we are nothing, can be nothing, if not painfully self aware.)("Everyone needs to quit hating themselves. That's what needs to happen."-Kel)
Here's the answer: hipsters are an amalgamation of punks, hippies, and every other subculture that has grown out of American culture (ie smug consumerism) since the last bomb dropped in WWII. There just happen to be no more wars to fight (oh, wait, except for the ones we save for poor people. Oops.) Haddow believes that hipsters are a consumer group, not a subculture. Sure, some well-accessorized college kids are vapid idiots with an excess of personality disorder and American Apparel shirts to layer. But the term in question is also used to include those who buy vintage clothes, cut their own hair and ride bikes, i.e. chose to live outside the crushing ubiquity of the American consumer market. So the end of western civilization is progress by another name. If "hipster" can include rich cokeheads with expensive jeans, semantics is to blame for the entire issue here. Hipster can dismiss the talentless, the self-induglent, the stylish, artists and cokeheads as "hipsters" in one fell swoop. Here's the hole in that argument: some of "them" are creating valid art. If a certain pair of glasses or cut of a pair of jeans renders someone's creation irrelevant, we have to ask ourselves just who the shallow pawn in the situation is. For every company who's cashed in on our defenseless generation's style and sold it back to us, there's someone who realizes it and vows to fuck the system. Deviance and defiance are at the basis of "cool" and always will be. (Adbusters, then, is the hippest thing there is. )
Finally, if there is a generation of Americans who can do nothing but grow ironic facial hair and sleep off a hangover while hating itself, it's America's fault. Where was America, our neglectful parent, teaching us those supposedly noble lessons about... just what exactly? Should we be working for Goldman Sachs instead of going to dance parties? Should we be wearing Ralph Lauren on a yacht, living the American dream? Should we be arming ourselves against the government, starting a youth militia to re-build our failing democracy?
We have been abandoned.
We're the bitter and drunk orphans of a parent who bought us things instead of gave us direction.
All we can, should, will and want to do is spend the family fortune on our favorite habits, go to parties and try to get our rocks off.
UPDATE: this brilliant post calls bullshit on useless and lazy hipster hating.
Soulless narcissists or unwitting heirs to a dead America and enjoying the after-party?
The thesis of Adbusters' cover story is that hipsters signify the decline of Western civilization. Besides the fact that it appears they've gotten ahold of some previous publications, it's a hauntingly articulate account of the vacancy that has supposedly come to define our generation: "It's an odd dance of self-identity-- adamantly denying your existence while wearing clearly defined symbols that proclaim it." Douglas Haddow is upset because hipsters don't give a fuck about anything, a stance that has been well articulated in the past.
First, attacks on the hipness are no fun if they don't assess the context in which the "hipster" phenomenon has spawned. Why do urban twenty-somethings with DIY haircuts who majored in graphic design "attend art parties, take lo-fi pictures with analog cameras, ride their bikes to night clubs and sweat it up at nouveau disco-coke parties"?
Because their parents are rich and falling apart, America is rich and falling apart, and no one, least of all a bunch of twenty somethings raised on a steady diet of sex as a commodity from age four, knows how to fix anything. And why should they want to? There are lots of drugs and lots of good looking people who've yet to prove themselves boring at every party there is.
****** We have a lot of money and a lot of memory. We know what is cool, we are not cool, we want to be cool, we can buy what is cool, we will buy what is cool.
Second, another obvious justification of hating hipsters is that "they killed cool." No, they didn't. If "cool" was invented by Chuck Berry in 1949, or was it Jack Kerouac in 1947, or was it Oscar Wilde and his absinthe in 1920 or was it Manet and his anger and defiance in 1870, it's been leading up to this. Hipsters are not holding the gun, they only wandered onto the scene of the crime and stumbled over some dead bodies. If a 17 year old on E with a mohawk and vintage high tops breakdancing at a party means cool is dead, that's fine. Something else will grow out of that.
If it seems like there's nowhere else to go, its because what is cool if not "subversion of the mainstream," bucking conventional institutions (capitalism), ie wearing DIY and a fuck you, then maybe Jack Kerouac wins. We are the counterculture's wild-eyed children, millions of us, multiplying and dumb like rabbits. And yeah, a lot of what people call "hipsters" due to their leggings and eyewear are boring and stupid. Welcome to America. Thanks, mass media, for making us all hate ourselves. Now, can we all get over our eating disorders and move on? (Haddow: "the dancers are too-self aware to let themselves feel any form of liberation; they shuffle along, shrugging themselves into oblivion." The other side of that line: we are nothing, can be nothing, if not painfully self aware.)("Everyone needs to quit hating themselves. That's what needs to happen."-Kel)
Here's the answer: hipsters are an amalgamation of punks, hippies, and every other subculture that has grown out of American culture (ie smug consumerism) since the last bomb dropped in WWII. There just happen to be no more wars to fight (oh, wait, except for the ones we save for poor people. Oops.) Haddow believes that hipsters are a consumer group, not a subculture. Sure, some well-accessorized college kids are vapid idiots with an excess of personality disorder and American Apparel shirts to layer. But the term in question is also used to include those who buy vintage clothes, cut their own hair and ride bikes, i.e. chose to live outside the crushing ubiquity of the American consumer market. So the end of western civilization is progress by another name. If "hipster" can include rich cokeheads with expensive jeans, semantics is to blame for the entire issue here. Hipster can dismiss the talentless, the self-induglent, the stylish, artists and cokeheads as "hipsters" in one fell swoop. Here's the hole in that argument: some of "them" are creating valid art. If a certain pair of glasses or cut of a pair of jeans renders someone's creation irrelevant, we have to ask ourselves just who the shallow pawn in the situation is. For every company who's cashed in on our defenseless generation's style and sold it back to us, there's someone who realizes it and vows to fuck the system. Deviance and defiance are at the basis of "cool" and always will be. (Adbusters, then, is the hippest thing there is. )
Finally, if there is a generation of Americans who can do nothing but grow ironic facial hair and sleep off a hangover while hating itself, it's America's fault. Where was America, our neglectful parent, teaching us those supposedly noble lessons about... just what exactly? Should we be working for Goldman Sachs instead of going to dance parties? Should we be wearing Ralph Lauren on a yacht, living the American dream? Should we be arming ourselves against the government, starting a youth militia to re-build our failing democracy?
We have been abandoned.
We're the bitter and drunk orphans of a parent who bought us things instead of gave us direction.
All we can, should, will and want to do is spend the family fortune on our favorite habits, go to parties and try to get our rocks off.
UPDATE: this brilliant post calls bullshit on useless and lazy hipster hating.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Green War and Media Sex
Humans really are brilliant.
Or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the irony that will bury us all.
Here's an idea.
However, not all humans are interested in militaristic masochism.
Here's a (nother) word from Kalle Lasn, the smartest teeth-gnasher of our age, who's out to expose the destroyers.
"TV sexuality is a campaign of disinformation, much like TV news. The truth is stretched, the story is hyped. If you look like a TV star or a model, a desirable mate will be available to you; if you don't, it won't. Try telling me that living with that message your whole life hasn't changed the way you feel about yourself.
Growing up in an erotically charged media environment alters the very foundations of our personalties. I think it distorts our sexuality. It changes the way you feel when someone suddenly puts their hand on your shoulder, hugs you, or flirts with you through the car window. I think the constant flow of commercially scripted pseudosex, rape and pornography makes us more voyeuristic, insatiable and aggressive."
(Culture Jam, p. 18)
Or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the irony that will bury us all.
Here's an idea.
However, not all humans are interested in militaristic masochism.
Here's a (nother) word from Kalle Lasn, the smartest teeth-gnasher of our age, who's out to expose the destroyers.
"TV sexuality is a campaign of disinformation, much like TV news. The truth is stretched, the story is hyped. If you look like a TV star or a model, a desirable mate will be available to you; if you don't, it won't. Try telling me that living with that message your whole life hasn't changed the way you feel about yourself.
Growing up in an erotically charged media environment alters the very foundations of our personalties. I think it distorts our sexuality. It changes the way you feel when someone suddenly puts their hand on your shoulder, hugs you, or flirts with you through the car window. I think the constant flow of commercially scripted pseudosex, rape and pornography makes us more voyeuristic, insatiable and aggressive."
(Culture Jam, p. 18)
Friday, May 23, 2008
Breaking: College Grad Identifies Path to Success, Wisdom and Happiness
Ah, college grads. There may not be a creature on earth who so perfectly embodies the delicate balance of idealism and self-righteousness as the Recent College Graduate, and every May the air is filled with the stench of the self-satisfaction mixed with fear. Since I wore that little hat almost a whole week ago, I have the right to glibly bombard you with my views on the world and life, because I now know almost everything there is worth knowing (just a little more Kerouac, and that almost will be effectively taken care of). Before that whole "real world" thing (a cultural construct if there ever was one) mars the clarity with which I am currently able to view the world, here is a list of personal insights and cultural observations I've culled over the last few years of expensive summer camp, which was actually really worth it (thanks, Mom and Dad!). Before I started, I never would've known what I still don't know (which completely goes against what I just said about knowing everything, but that's the beauty of being young and impressionable. Or something.)*
Finally, the wisdom the world has been waiting for:
WHAT I LEARNED IN COLLEGE
1. Wow, the world sure is fucked up.
(a) Your reality is being controlled by a small cabal of very rich and very old white men.
(b) You're a corporate target.
(c) The natural world is being destroyed.
(d) Global wealth is more uneven than it's ever been.
(e) The cheap energy sources that have built our incredibly decadent lifestyles are close to collapsing.
In fact, just about everything that COULD go wrong actually IS! So, you, college student/grad/mom/dad/shamed American, must forget everything you know and start over. Everything THEY (yes, there is a they) tell you is wrong, you can't buy your way out of this one, and your patriotic/religious paraphernalia does not guarantee you a place in heaven.
2. You CAN! almost learn how to think about maybe starting to change it a little bit.
(a) Moral superiority is not a bad thing, and that myth is only perpetuated by the selfish and lazy.
3. You don't actually have to read the boring assignments, especially if you don't care about your grades. And a lot of the reading is really interesting, especially if you don't care about your grades.
(a) If you ever experience the carpet of reality being pulled out from under you and grow suspicious of all that exists and doesn't exist in the entire world, you're doing alright.
4. The world does not end if you get a C or a D or an F. Nothing you do for a grade will ever affect anyone else's life, so stop boring everyone with your complaining.
(a) Some people will graduate with honors. Some won't. Everyone keeps breathing. A lot of people with very good grades will go on to make a lot of money, or not make a lot of money, or have a lot of fun, or do great things. A lot of people with not very good grades will go on to make a lot of money, or not make a lot of money, or have a lot of fun, or do great things.
5. Awkwardness will ensue. Embrace it.
(a) Everyone is so self-conscious that no one has time to worry about what you're doing, wearing or listening to.
6. Selling a really great anthology of world literature for $19 is a mistake.
(a) reading is still a better idea than Wii.
7. Nothing is so important that you can't skip it for something spontaneous and fun.
8. You can take about three fundamental ideas and apply them to every paper you ever write. (eg the world bank is evil, nothing is true, almost every classic text you read is patriarchally informed, etc.)
9. Women are in charge in male/female relationships (obviously). No one can deny that. Women, use it without taking advantage it. Men, don't be jerks.
10. Your major probably doesn't really matter, so pick one that's fundamental to your becoming a person, or it's going to be a long four years. If you don't have actual academic interests (or want to major in business/ neoclassical economics), don't go to college and give your spot to someone else.
11. A lot of people are huge tools. Avoid them so you don't have to worry about it.
(a) But you can make fun of them when you need to feel better about yourself.
(b) Also, a lot of people who seem like tools actually aren't. Don't judge people until after you know them.
12. You definitely won't regret any time you spend with friends. Actually, the only regret I have is that I didn't meet more people (ie hot smart dudes). Your 4.0 will never make you laugh or listen to your stories, and won't keep in touch after you graduate.
13. Mainstream media is for the old and dead, as are moderation and greatest hits albums (obviously).
14. The sixties might've been cool, but they're over and partially responsible for the quagmire of bullshit our generation has to wade through (see #1). If we learn to celebrate and loathe the time we're living in, we can understand and fix it.
15. Facebook is our generation's most brilliant form of effective corporate mind-control. Think before you offer all your personal information (see #1 (a) and (b)).
16. In spite of the self-indulgent practices and beliefs that college allows and encourages, you are actually very far from being the center of the world.
16. This list wouldn't be complete without the cliche (but valuable) things you always hear: don't be afraid to talk in class, try stuff that seems scary or stupid or weird, if you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room, allow yourself to remain open to all views (especially the ones that confirm your own so you can win arguments against Republicans and make them feel dumb).
17. It's impossible to make a mistake (except for #6).
18. Most importantly, don't let anyone tell you what to do. Doing what anyone tells you to is quickest way to ending up miserable.
(a) For the record, the list is is merely meant as a suggestion.
Also, college is pretty cool, but I'm fairly certain that it doesn't actually have to be the "best four years of your life!!!11" You should actually make sure it's not, because who wants life after 22 to be a sixty year denouement?
*Disclaimer: contributing to the pompous tone of this list is that I'm currently in a coffee shop attempting to justify my existence. Oh, and I didn't get honors so I feel bad about myself. J/k!!111
Finally, the wisdom the world has been waiting for:
WHAT I LEARNED IN COLLEGE
1. Wow, the world sure is fucked up.
(a) Your reality is being controlled by a small cabal of very rich and very old white men.
(b) You're a corporate target.
(c) The natural world is being destroyed.
(d) Global wealth is more uneven than it's ever been.
(e) The cheap energy sources that have built our incredibly decadent lifestyles are close to collapsing.
In fact, just about everything that COULD go wrong actually IS! So, you, college student/grad/mom/dad/shamed American, must forget everything you know and start over. Everything THEY (yes, there is a they) tell you is wrong, you can't buy your way out of this one, and your patriotic/religious paraphernalia does not guarantee you a place in heaven.
2. You CAN! almost learn how to think about maybe starting to change it a little bit.
(a) Moral superiority is not a bad thing, and that myth is only perpetuated by the selfish and lazy.
3. You don't actually have to read the boring assignments, especially if you don't care about your grades. And a lot of the reading is really interesting, especially if you don't care about your grades.
(a) If you ever experience the carpet of reality being pulled out from under you and grow suspicious of all that exists and doesn't exist in the entire world, you're doing alright.
4. The world does not end if you get a C or a D or an F. Nothing you do for a grade will ever affect anyone else's life, so stop boring everyone with your complaining.
(a) Some people will graduate with honors. Some won't. Everyone keeps breathing. A lot of people with very good grades will go on to make a lot of money, or not make a lot of money, or have a lot of fun, or do great things. A lot of people with not very good grades will go on to make a lot of money, or not make a lot of money, or have a lot of fun, or do great things.
5. Awkwardness will ensue. Embrace it.
(a) Everyone is so self-conscious that no one has time to worry about what you're doing, wearing or listening to.
6. Selling a really great anthology of world literature for $19 is a mistake.
(a) reading is still a better idea than Wii.
7. Nothing is so important that you can't skip it for something spontaneous and fun.
8. You can take about three fundamental ideas and apply them to every paper you ever write. (eg the world bank is evil, nothing is true, almost every classic text you read is patriarchally informed, etc.)
9. Women are in charge in male/female relationships (obviously). No one can deny that. Women, use it without taking advantage it. Men, don't be jerks.
10. Your major probably doesn't really matter, so pick one that's fundamental to your becoming a person, or it's going to be a long four years. If you don't have actual academic interests (or want to major in business/ neoclassical economics), don't go to college and give your spot to someone else.
11. A lot of people are huge tools. Avoid them so you don't have to worry about it.
(a) But you can make fun of them when you need to feel better about yourself.
(b) Also, a lot of people who seem like tools actually aren't. Don't judge people until after you know them.
12. You definitely won't regret any time you spend with friends. Actually, the only regret I have is that I didn't meet more people (ie hot smart dudes). Your 4.0 will never make you laugh or listen to your stories, and won't keep in touch after you graduate.
13. Mainstream media is for the old and dead, as are moderation and greatest hits albums (obviously).
14. The sixties might've been cool, but they're over and partially responsible for the quagmire of bullshit our generation has to wade through (see #1). If we learn to celebrate and loathe the time we're living in, we can understand and fix it.
15. Facebook is our generation's most brilliant form of effective corporate mind-control. Think before you offer all your personal information (see #1 (a) and (b)).
16. In spite of the self-indulgent practices and beliefs that college allows and encourages, you are actually very far from being the center of the world.
16. This list wouldn't be complete without the cliche (but valuable) things you always hear: don't be afraid to talk in class, try stuff that seems scary or stupid or weird, if you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room, allow yourself to remain open to all views (especially the ones that confirm your own so you can win arguments against Republicans and make them feel dumb).
17. It's impossible to make a mistake (except for #6).
18. Most importantly, don't let anyone tell you what to do. Doing what anyone tells you to is quickest way to ending up miserable.
(a) For the record, the list is is merely meant as a suggestion.
Also, college is pretty cool, but I'm fairly certain that it doesn't actually have to be the "best four years of your life!!!11" You should actually make sure it's not, because who wants life after 22 to be a sixty year denouement?
*Disclaimer: contributing to the pompous tone of this list is that I'm currently in a coffee shop attempting to justify my existence. Oh, and I didn't get honors so I feel bad about myself. J/k!!111
Thursday, May 1, 2008
American Youth
"I was born into America at the height of its excess;I had everything but needed something; I needed to be a victim, to justify my existence with a constructed struggle. What I want, all I was born to want, is a hard-cover, full-color retrospective of my life's work that will sit on the shelf in the annals of history, to have been told by my peers, my only god, that I have done a good job."
Friday, September 14, 2007
The ERADICATOR
Somehow the following entities survived the turn of the century. Here are my suggestions for what should phased out for a russer world.
1. College.
The perfect place to whittle down all your aspirations, hope and love of life into a slick marketable package who knows how to create an excel sheet. The only thing worse than spending $100k + to secure a spot in the "workforce" you couldn't care less about is realizing that millions of drunk idiots in t-shirts more interesting than they are do same thing every year. Now in my fourth year of being talked at and told to regurgitate information for a letter grade that will supposedly determine my future, I realize the only things I've learned are:
1. the world is in bad shape,
2. I could've spent this time and money doing more important things, and
3. saturated fats are solid at room temperature.
Could've bought that information for 15.95 at Borders, or absorbed it from a Romantic Comedy major motion picture starring Kate Hudson.
2. The News
The news needs to stop. No, I don't mean newspapers (useless) or TV news (even worse). I mean the wide variety of "newsworthiness" that occurs. Things in general , i.e. human history, seem to have been going consistently bad since the start of time. So I propose we try something new. Or rather, don't try something new. Stop the war, stop diverting Mexicans' food source for our cheap ethanol, stop the World Bank from holding developing nations as indentured servants. Then we can all (as in humans, not only white, college-educated Americans) pursue what we'd like to and things might actually be pretty great, or at least not cripplingly awful.
3. Chick Lit
I find it personally offensive that I might be labeled a "chick" and thus inadvertently identified with this crime against literature, chicks and non-chicks. When a literary genre exists solely to either augment or diminish its readers sense of accomplishment based on their ability to recognize a "new" brand of jeans or stilettos, it must end. This genre is would be laughably inconsequential were it not so damn popular with the apparently mammoth population of idiots that stumble into bookstores before vacation to pick up US Weekly (poor Owen! Seriously, but that's a different story) and something like a book that they think involves "reading." Here's to public humiliation of all those who write and read books with hot pink and lime green covers, featuring a cartoon stick-figure weighted down with shopping bags/martini/miniature schnauzer/suave boyfriend. Sadly, a somewhat large percentage of these authors are ivy-league graduates (I don't care enough to google up a real number), which only further proves my point for number one (1) on this list.
4. Clothes
This one is self-explanatory. See above.
5. Irony
Seriously, this has got to stop.
I know people now like to toss around the term "post-ironic" to describe our current place on the cultural theory time line, but it seems they themselves may be ironists as well, as irony is the language that continues to eclipse sincerity as our primary, and "coolest" means of communicating. (If you think I'm wrong, watch a commercial for hamburgers or soda. Chances are it's finely tuned to appeal to our ironic side of our money-spending sensibilities. Or more precisely, the "it's so crazy it's like the opposite of an advertisement! Geico totally gets me! I love car insurance!!!" side.) This is clearly evident in contemporary style and humor.
Now, I like saying the opposite of what I mean as much as the next morally bankrupt product of our twenty-first century American culture, but what are we really saying if we don't mean any of it?
Since I asked:
It seems that within the context of environmental collapse, economic crisis, political ridiculosity, the fact that America seems to be falling fast while taking down as much as it can with it, the current developed/developing world paradigm of exploitation and neglect, the T-word*, undefined roles of gender and place of self, and a million other uncertainties/reasons to want to head right the hell out of here, (before realizing that there is no better off) Irony as a cultural mechanism reflects the unfathomable situation we're in now: everything could disappear in an instant and therefore nothing means anything.
But irony itself is a response, not a remedy, and it seems that we can't fix anything if no one is saying anything.
Stewart and Colbert are doing a thorough job reacting to the inanity of it all, but we've got to wonder when irony itself is a legitimate political tool. It's only the first step in regaining any sense of stability or "truth," that great postmodern non-entity, which we seem to be 180 degrees from right now, hence having no reason to do anything.
Talk amongst yourselves.
This all being said, I am already cringing at how sincere this all is, because it's so uncool. Also, sincerity can be attacked, it can be "wrong". Irony is bullet-proof.
*----orism
Also, two examples of what is not irony, but is often mistaken for it:
1. High postmodern literature such as Dave Eggers' Heartbreaking Work. Most definitely a novel means of expression, but completely sincere, therefore not ironic.
2. Coincidence. For example: If Devendra Banhart, who is heavily influenced by (some would say a rip off of) Marc Bolan of T. Rex , were to die in a car accident after his wife drunkenly drove into a tree, just as Bolan did in 1972, this would not be ironic. It would just be weird and a guarantee that Devendra's albums and paraphernalia will increase in sales and make millions (at least tens of thousands) until the end of time. Which, don't forget, could be next week.
1. College.
The perfect place to whittle down all your aspirations, hope and love of life into a slick marketable package who knows how to create an excel sheet. The only thing worse than spending $100k + to secure a spot in the "workforce" you couldn't care less about is realizing that millions of drunk idiots in t-shirts more interesting than they are do same thing every year. Now in my fourth year of being talked at and told to regurgitate information for a letter grade that will supposedly determine my future, I realize the only things I've learned are:
1. the world is in bad shape,
2. I could've spent this time and money doing more important things, and
3. saturated fats are solid at room temperature.
Could've bought that information for 15.95 at Borders, or absorbed it from a Romantic Comedy major motion picture starring Kate Hudson.
2. The News
The news needs to stop. No, I don't mean newspapers (useless) or TV news (even worse). I mean the wide variety of "newsworthiness" that occurs. Things in general , i.e. human history, seem to have been going consistently bad since the start of time. So I propose we try something new. Or rather, don't try something new. Stop the war, stop diverting Mexicans' food source for our cheap ethanol, stop the World Bank from holding developing nations as indentured servants. Then we can all (as in humans, not only white, college-educated Americans) pursue what we'd like to and things might actually be pretty great, or at least not cripplingly awful.
3. Chick Lit
I find it personally offensive that I might be labeled a "chick" and thus inadvertently identified with this crime against literature, chicks and non-chicks. When a literary genre exists solely to either augment or diminish its readers sense of accomplishment based on their ability to recognize a "new" brand of jeans or stilettos, it must end. This genre is would be laughably inconsequential were it not so damn popular with the apparently mammoth population of idiots that stumble into bookstores before vacation to pick up US Weekly (poor Owen! Seriously, but that's a different story) and something like a book that they think involves "reading." Here's to public humiliation of all those who write and read books with hot pink and lime green covers, featuring a cartoon stick-figure weighted down with shopping bags/martini/miniature schnauzer/suave boyfriend. Sadly, a somewhat large percentage of these authors are ivy-league graduates (I don't care enough to google up a real number), which only further proves my point for number one (1) on this list.
4. Clothes
This one is self-explanatory. See above.
5. Irony
Seriously, this has got to stop.
I know people now like to toss around the term "post-ironic" to describe our current place on the cultural theory time line, but it seems they themselves may be ironists as well, as irony is the language that continues to eclipse sincerity as our primary, and "coolest" means of communicating. (If you think I'm wrong, watch a commercial for hamburgers or soda. Chances are it's finely tuned to appeal to our ironic side of our money-spending sensibilities. Or more precisely, the "it's so crazy it's like the opposite of an advertisement! Geico totally gets me! I love car insurance!!!" side.) This is clearly evident in contemporary style and humor.
Now, I like saying the opposite of what I mean as much as the next morally bankrupt product of our twenty-first century American culture, but what are we really saying if we don't mean any of it?
Since I asked:
It seems that within the context of environmental collapse, economic crisis, political ridiculosity, the fact that America seems to be falling fast while taking down as much as it can with it, the current developed/developing world paradigm of exploitation and neglect, the T-word*, undefined roles of gender and place of self, and a million other uncertainties/reasons to want to head right the hell out of here, (before realizing that there is no better off) Irony as a cultural mechanism reflects the unfathomable situation we're in now: everything could disappear in an instant and therefore nothing means anything.
But irony itself is a response, not a remedy, and it seems that we can't fix anything if no one is saying anything.
Stewart and Colbert are doing a thorough job reacting to the inanity of it all, but we've got to wonder when irony itself is a legitimate political tool. It's only the first step in regaining any sense of stability or "truth," that great postmodern non-entity, which we seem to be 180 degrees from right now, hence having no reason to do anything.
Talk amongst yourselves.
This all being said, I am already cringing at how sincere this all is, because it's so uncool. Also, sincerity can be attacked, it can be "wrong". Irony is bullet-proof.
*----orism
Also, two examples of what is not irony, but is often mistaken for it:
1. High postmodern literature such as Dave Eggers' Heartbreaking Work. Most definitely a novel means of expression, but completely sincere, therefore not ironic.
2. Coincidence. For example: If Devendra Banhart, who is heavily influenced by (some would say a rip off of) Marc Bolan of T. Rex , were to die in a car accident after his wife drunkenly drove into a tree, just as Bolan did in 1972, this would not be ironic. It would just be weird and a guarantee that Devendra's albums and paraphernalia will increase in sales and make millions (at least tens of thousands) until the end of time. Which, don't forget, could be next week.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
G N R RAWKS!!! part 2
Where we left off: JUST how great IS Paradise City???
The song sucks. Axl Rose was a talentless heroin fiend who thought
he was the second coming of Mick Jagger, except so much more badass
because he lived in ghetto of LA and spent all of his advance from
the label on drugs and Jack and stirrup pants. Guns and Roses for
some reason went with the same catchy-yet-hardcore-
hook-then-gnarly-breakdown-that-actually-is-annoying-and-lame
formula for every one of their 7 minute songs. And they tend to
rhyme things like "city" and "pretty" all while trying to have us
believe that Axl cares about green grass, while at the same time
wanting us very much to believe that he sits in the corner of a
dark, unfurnished room all day drooling on himself and hallucinating,
in the most awesome way possible.
So, not only was Rolling Stone wrong about "Appetite For
Destruction" five years ago, but they continue to lie by putting
these wasted AARP members on the cover RIGHT NOW, because Appetite
For Destruction came out TWENTY YEARS AGO AND CHANGED THE
WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!! (or at least spawned 200 Ratts and Whitesnakes
and Motley Crues, all soon to be made to look very fat and make-up-
wearing by Nirvana, but that's a whole nother story.)
But in a way, Axl is the second coming of Mick because he's old and
embarrasing, but while Mick shops at Limited Too, Axl is bloated and
has cornrows and a plastic face. And, they both outlived Kurt Cobain
so YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for them.
Bottom line: Classic rock radio is for castrated males who
quote Spinal Tap without grasping the irony of that since the whole
thing makes fun of the music they so sadly RAWK OUT to, and I want
a full refund from Rolling Stone for at least half the albums I
bought off of their stupid list(i.e. Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet).
I think I may have caught on to their lies after re-reading the
list and seeing two Eminem albums on it.
Of course, this entire rant is rendered null and void by Rolling
Stone's most recent cover, which makes Axl & Co look like the
Beatles. Some 12 year old boy is getting naked in what is sure to
be the first of his many steps to career suicide: Britney was all
underage and naked once too. At least they're exploiting some young
boy rather than the next olsen twins, etc.
Way to go, Jann Wenner!!!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
HELLO VIRTUAL WORLD!
The power to change to world lies nowhere if not here, in this corner of the information superhighway on the Blogtrack To The End of the World, at emle.che.com or whatever it is. Surely the revolution will be poorly punctuated. I look forward to my 8 millionth post in which I will ruminate how self-conscious I was when just a (real) babe in the (virtual) woods.
Keh, this one's for you, since you fanned the embers of my quest for worldwide fame, which is now a fullblown fire since I am now an internet celebrity with my very own weblog.
PART I of GNR RAWKS!!!!!!!!!!
So, a while back, when little me was all about trying to know what was cool, I got a subscription to Rolling Stone. This was in the summer of '02, a mere 16 I was, soon to be led astray by the rotting corpse of a pile of gloss and cigarette ads that hadn't really mattered since 1972, when David Bowie was trying to rescue his career by acting gay. One of the first issues that arrived in my rabid little hands featured a (sooooo wrinkled-- HAHA the eight millionth joke about how the Rolling Stones are old!) Keith Richards clutching a guitar and wearing little more than that Mick Jagger eating smirk and those bedroom eyes glazed over from the routine cooking of the morning junk.
Wide eyed and seeking refuge from the wasteland of the top 40, little did I know that the cover itself so perfectly embodied, reeked! of the cultural decay that was occurring with each passing second as we speed toward the apocalypse. This issue happened to feature a "Top 100 Albums of All Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!" list. Naturally, now-old white Americans and Britons were well represented, with the occasional non-white/male thrown in to keep the damn ACLU happy. I, misguided as I was, having grown up in affluent 1990s America and therefore aurally inundated with the 99 problems of now-affluent black people set to a damn catchy beat, made it my goal to amass all 100 of these great albums.
I set to my path to awesomeness straightaway and wracked up a hefty amazon.com bill. Queen! Yes!!! Bad Company! Maybe! Sex Pistols!!! I am so much cooler than all my friends!!! Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet! On sale for 9.99, the soundtrack of adolescence I never had! Van Halen! Wow, David Lee Roth sure sounds like a sex offender! Appetite For Destruction! My friends don't even know! I RAWK SO HARD!!! Paradise City!!! Rhymes with Pretty!!!
So FIVE long years later and it still snows in the winter of my discontent. Classic rock is full of stupid guys whose poetry consists of unimaginative metaphors to titillate sad members of our regressive society. (See ACDC's "I want to put my love into you.") Classic rock radio is formatted to fit the needs of the 18-64 year olds who consider this sort of thing a fitting soundtrack to their own lives. ("Yeah, George Thorogood, I am SO bad to the bone!! I crank this to ELEVEN in my car on my way to work where I sit for 8 hours looking at pictures of Lindsay Lohan online!!!") In fact the station I listened to this morning billed itself as "the only station that doesn't make you feel like you've had a vasectomy!!!" and then had some guy looking for his balls. (This is all completely true.) Then, they played Paradise City.
next: the anti-climactic ending to my 78th of many more disillusionments with everything under the once more shrinking o-zone layer.
Keh, this one's for you, since you fanned the embers of my quest for worldwide fame, which is now a fullblown fire since I am now an internet celebrity with my very own weblog.
PART I of GNR RAWKS!!!!!!!!!!
So, a while back, when little me was all about trying to know what was cool, I got a subscription to Rolling Stone. This was in the summer of '02, a mere 16 I was, soon to be led astray by the rotting corpse of a pile of gloss and cigarette ads that hadn't really mattered since 1972, when David Bowie was trying to rescue his career by acting gay. One of the first issues that arrived in my rabid little hands featured a (sooooo wrinkled-- HAHA the eight millionth joke about how the Rolling Stones are old!) Keith Richards clutching a guitar and wearing little more than that Mick Jagger eating smirk and those bedroom eyes glazed over from the routine cooking of the morning junk.
Wide eyed and seeking refuge from the wasteland of the top 40, little did I know that the cover itself so perfectly embodied, reeked! of the cultural decay that was occurring with each passing second as we speed toward the apocalypse. This issue happened to feature a "Top 100 Albums of All Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!" list. Naturally, now-old white Americans and Britons were well represented, with the occasional non-white/male thrown in to keep the damn ACLU happy. I, misguided as I was, having grown up in affluent 1990s America and therefore aurally inundated with the 99 problems of now-affluent black people set to a damn catchy beat, made it my goal to amass all 100 of these great albums.
I set to my path to awesomeness straightaway and wracked up a hefty amazon.com bill. Queen! Yes!!! Bad Company! Maybe! Sex Pistols!!! I am so much cooler than all my friends!!! Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet! On sale for 9.99, the soundtrack of adolescence I never had! Van Halen! Wow, David Lee Roth sure sounds like a sex offender! Appetite For Destruction! My friends don't even know! I RAWK SO HARD!!! Paradise City!!! Rhymes with Pretty!!!
So FIVE long years later and it still snows in the winter of my discontent. Classic rock is full of stupid guys whose poetry consists of unimaginative metaphors to titillate sad members of our regressive society. (See ACDC's "I want to put my love into you.") Classic rock radio is formatted to fit the needs of the 18-64 year olds who consider this sort of thing a fitting soundtrack to their own lives. ("Yeah, George Thorogood, I am SO bad to the bone!! I crank this to ELEVEN in my car on my way to work where I sit for 8 hours looking at pictures of Lindsay Lohan online!!!") In fact the station I listened to this morning billed itself as "the only station that doesn't make you feel like you've had a vasectomy!!!" and then had some guy looking for his balls. (This is all completely true.) Then, they played Paradise City.
next: the anti-climactic ending to my 78th of many more disillusionments with everything under the once more shrinking o-zone layer.
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