The Moral of the Story

... is that money is evil.

Could NYC Prep define high capitalism and signal its fall?

Cable TV shows and subsequently induced homicidal mania are synonymous at this point, so I rarely feel like I need to comment on that here. But, rarely do I wish cancer on a bunch of teenagers after being subjected to their most inane brand of purchased self-veneration and Everything That Is Wrong With America.

Five minutes into this televised holocaust and you'll be foaming at the mouth. But that makes me wonder if the producers of the show aren't doing the world a favor and exposing the insidious vapidity of what We're All Supposed To Want.

There's a great article on the show here in New York Magazine, and Vanessa Grigoriadis is a first-class journalist. I especially like this little Baudrillardian nugget on New York:

Post-crash, the city is a symbol of spiritual emptiness, an island of lost souls, almost submerged in colorful cocktails. And much of America wants to laugh at New Yorkers suffering for their sins.

We sure do!

Grigoriadis continues: "New York is a Louis XIV court, beautiful and decadent, making nothing, obsessed with its own intrigue, on its way out."

New York is home to the defining values of modern America, which has finally folded in on itself thanks to the hyper-consumerism/greed/self-worship that our culture is rooted in. You can't help but view the frantic self-obsession of these teenagers and their plastic middle-aged counterparts as merely a response to the fact that they're already embarrassing and irrelevant and they'll soon be extinct.

Grigoriadis' article will probably make you blow fewer blood vessels than actually watching the show, at least. Enjoy and be thankful you're not a completely non-self-aware symptom and cause of the end of America.


Also, so I know I said I was out of here in hopes of "making a difference" in other ways than inflicting this screed on the masses.

Yeah right.

As long as things continue to offend my and your sensibilities as sentient piles of organic matter, I'll be sitting behind my work computer and bitching about said cultural holocaust. And I'll be expecting your comments on how to fix it too.

feeling sad that i might never blog again

Kinda think I'm not going to blog anymore cause I don't want to blog about my cats and all I could ever say about meaningful events going on in the geo-political landscape are pretty much summed up here by carles, the altiest altbro who has ever existed in the history of the universe.

srsly, yall, he takes relevant blogging to a new level. he will explode yr alt mind. (if yr a mainstreamr you wont 'get it'.) rlly feel like hipster runoff is way more culturally relevant than remix mountain. its like you dont even know if he's joking or serious or human or robot or alt or mainstream or in san fransisco or austin.

h8 u carles. i bow in yr meaningful wake. its like i dont even mind that ginsberg is dead cause yr alive.

there is even a blog about his blog that might not even be authentic even tho sum1 spends a considerable portion of their life devoted to it. you can read about how meaningful carles is here.
can't tell if its written by a rlly self-aware post-ironic post-funnie comedian or an aging-hip virgin.

either way, kind of need a new reason to blog/live.

would welcome yr suggestions. Should I take pix of 'kute ppl with beards and ice cream cones' or 'homeless ppl in my relevant city with funnie/sad signs' or write about the alt shows that i go to or the alt bros that i do? is there a "market" for another douche with converse hi-tops to describe guitar music as "angular"? does ne1 care about the 'crazie coke-fueled' exploits of alt-sluts in a post-feminist interworld? even if she doesn't have slouchy boots or an eating disorder? (doubt it)

need to streamline so the village voice will want to intrview me via instant messenger.
should i start writing poetry like this alt broad? [via the oddessy and the bible and other stuff written by the easter bunny 3.7 billion blog yrs ago]

or should i just get an authentic chrome bag and devote my life to riding my fixie and the pursuit of stds? and just commit virtual suicide? feel so confused. maybe 'not having a blog' is the new 'having a blog' [via 'newton's laws of the hip economie']
just wanted 2 change the world with my blog when i started out by 'offering an alternative 2 mainstream media.' kind of thought i'd get a book deal and then could 'subvert the mainstream' with my college education via 'freeing the masses' and then teach 'postmodern studies' courses @ hrvrd or at least talk about the matchbox20s on 'VH1' via "i miss my tween yrs."
now, kinda feel like just another blog in the wall [via british kids who actually do need an education cause they use double negatives][whatever, at least pink flyd didnt sell out yall like the led zepplins. h8 jimmie page 4 letting caddilac blow him. x2 4 pete townshend].

kinda feel like i should have started a meaningful electro-core band instead [via h&m wear + drug abuse + parents divorce + getting cheated on by alt-boyfriend]

<3 nihilistic white dude bloggers. wish i was one. wish i was more authentic via being really good at articulating my justified hatred of myself & 'the world' instead of being a sillie human who likes 2 'dance like no 1 is watching 2 AnCo/astralw33ks sumtimes.

Capitalism empowering women

"MORE WOMEN NEEDING CASH GO FROM JOBLESS TO TOPLESS"

"...Eva Stone, a 25-year-old dancer at the Pink Monkey, said dealing with occasional verbal abuse from patrons requires 'a thick skin.'

"...In this economy, 'desperate measures are becoming far more acceptable,' said Jonathan Alpert, a New York City-based psychotherapist who's had clients who worked in adult entertainment."


Oh, America.

The nation with self-proclaimed highest standard living in the world systematically reduces humans to objects under the tragically archaic tenants of thousands of years of destructive gender dualism that results in the convenient lie of "empowerment."
And we all love governmentally- and culturally-sanctioned slavery. After all, that's what this country was founded on.


This makes me <3 a lot of things, like:
america, capitalism, that money gives us a reason to live, yahoo news for bile in throat and making me want to break things. like america.

Like Allen G. once said:
America, go fuck yourself with your "guys who come in and drop $3,000 to $4,000 a night."

Economix?

So the House just defeated the proposed $700 Billion bailout of Wall Street.

Whoa.

For a Democratic House who has done precisely nothing in the last two years besides roll over to the Republican's whims of drilling for oil in formerly protected areas, this is quite a blow. Nancy Pelosi and Co. have decided to tell Bush and his investment bankers, in no uncertain terms, exactly where to shove what The Nation deemed a fascistic corporate takeover of the US government.

Stocks fell almost 800 points, and we're left wondering what the hell this actually means for us. Doom and destruction? Worthless currency and bread lines? Grad school and basement full of canned food?

One thing's for sure: a world, a country and a generation less than trusting of this whole American domination thing now has a lot more to base their fear, incredulity and ulcers on.

All we can remember is that the economy itself doesn't actually run through our veins and doesn't affect our ability to breathe, and that Sarah Palin and God will save the day.



'Cause when love is gone, there's always justice. And when justive is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi Mom! So hold me, Mom, in your long arms. So hold me, Mom, in your long arms. In your automatic arms. Your electronic arms. In your arms. So hold me, Mom, in your long arms. Your petrochemical arms. Your military arms. In your electronic arms.

-- Laurie Anderson, "O Superman", 1980

Death Knell (?)

Or, Adbusters, Hire Me! I wrote your hipster cover story when I was twelve.


Soulless narcissists or unwitting heirs to a dead America and enjoying the after-party?

The thesis of Adbusters' cover story is that hipsters signify the decline of Western civilization. Besides the fact that it appears they've gotten ahold of some previous publications, it's a hauntingly articulate account of the vacancy that has supposedly come to define our generation: "It's an odd dance of self-identity-- adamantly denying your existence while wearing clearly defined symbols that proclaim it." Douglas Haddow is upset because hipsters don't give a fuck about anything, a stance that has been well articulated in the past.

First, attacks on the hipness are no fun if they don't assess the context in which the "hipster" phenomenon has spawned. Why do urban twenty-somethings with DIY haircuts who majored in graphic design "attend art parties, take lo-fi pictures with analog cameras, ride their bikes to night clubs and sweat it up at nouveau disco-coke parties"?
Because their parents are rich and falling apart, America is rich and falling apart, and no one, least of all a bunch of twenty somethings raised on a steady diet of sex as a commodity from age four, knows how to fix anything. And why should they want to? There are lots of drugs and lots of good looking people who've yet to prove themselves boring at every party there is.

****** We have a lot of money and a lot of memory. We know what is cool, we are not cool, we want to be cool, we can buy what is cool, we will buy what is cool.

Second, another obvious justification of hating hipsters is that "they killed cool." No, they didn't. If "cool" was invented by Chuck Berry in 1949, or was it Jack Kerouac in 1947, or was it Oscar Wilde and his absinthe in 1920 or was it Manet and his anger and defiance in 1870, it's been leading up to this. Hipsters are not holding the gun, they only wandered onto the scene of the crime and stumbled over some dead bodies. If a 17 year old on E with a mohawk and vintage high tops breakdancing at a party means cool is dead, that's fine. Something else will grow out of that.
If it seems like there's nowhere else to go, its because what is cool if not "subversion of the mainstream," bucking conventional institutions (capitalism), ie wearing DIY and a fuck you, then maybe Jack Kerouac wins. We are the counterculture's wild-eyed children, millions of us, multiplying and dumb like rabbits. And yeah, a lot of what people call "hipsters" due to their leggings and eyewear are boring and stupid. Welcome to America. Thanks, mass media, for making us all hate ourselves. Now, can we all get over our eating disorders and move on? (Haddow: "the dancers are too-self aware to let themselves feel any form of liberation; they shuffle along, shrugging themselves into oblivion." The other side of that line: we are nothing, can be nothing, if not painfully self aware.)("Everyone needs to quit hating themselves. That's what needs to happen."-Kel)

Here's the answer: hipsters are an amalgamation of punks, hippies, and every other subculture that has grown out of American culture (ie smug consumerism) since the last bomb dropped in WWII. There just happen to be no more wars to fight (oh, wait, except for the ones we save for poor people. Oops.) Haddow believes that hipsters are a consumer group, not a subculture. Sure, some well-accessorized college kids are vapid idiots with an excess of personality disorder and American Apparel shirts to layer. But the term in question is also used to include those who buy vintage clothes, cut their own hair and ride bikes, i.e. chose to live outside the crushing ubiquity of the American consumer market. So the end of western civilization is progress by another name. If "hipster" can include rich cokeheads with expensive jeans, semantics is to blame for the entire issue here. Hipster can dismiss the talentless, the self-induglent, the stylish, artists and cokeheads as "hipsters" in one fell swoop. Here's the hole in that argument: some of "them" are creating valid art. If a certain pair of glasses or cut of a pair of jeans renders someone's creation irrelevant, we have to ask ourselves just who the shallow pawn in the situation is. For every company who's cashed in on our defenseless generation's style and sold it back to us, there's someone who realizes it and vows to fuck the system. Deviance and defiance are at the basis of "cool" and always will be. (Adbusters, then, is the hippest thing there is. )

Finally, if there is a generation of Americans who can do nothing but grow ironic facial hair and sleep off a hangover while hating itself, it's America's fault. Where was America, our neglectful parent, teaching us those supposedly noble lessons about... just what exactly? Should we be working for Goldman Sachs instead of going to dance parties? Should we be wearing Ralph Lauren on a yacht, living the American dream? Should we be arming ourselves against the government, starting a youth militia to re-build our failing democracy?

We have been abandoned.

We're the bitter and drunk orphans of a parent who bought us things instead of gave us direction.
All we can, should, will and want to do is spend the family fortune on our favorite habits, go to parties and try to get our rocks off.

UPDATE: this brilliant post calls bullshit on useless and lazy hipster hating.

What Do We Want?

Convenience!
When do we want it?
fat free double mocha brownie low fat extra hot milk with two shots of hazelnut espresso and two sugars!!

Not ending the war, not saving the planet, not even to stop people from making CGI movies about monkeys in space, but people will fight to save their Starbucks stores.

"Now that Starbucks Corp. has disclosed the 600 locations it wants to shutter, a phenomenon is taking hold: the Save Our Starbucks campaign.

In towns as small as Bloomfield, N.M., and metropolises as large as New York, customers and city officials are starting to write letters, place phone calls, circulate petitions and otherwise plead with the coffee giant to change its mind.

"Now that it's going away, we're devastated," said Kate Walker, a facilities manager for SunGard Financial Systems, a software company, who recently learned of a store closing in New York City."

the rest continues here if you need a reason to join the Zapatistas.

The Internet is Series of Mistakes

Suggested alternative add copy:
"do you want her to be your mom or a hooker?"
"Bible fucked you up? Virgin/whore fantasy on sale this week"
"do you want her dead or just unconscious?"
"women available to fulfill whatever void society has dug into your soul- all kinds, guaranteed!!" "Emasculated by the 9 to 5? Take out your aggression on a blonde in boots."

This add was on the page when I looked up the words to "Personality Crisis" by New York Dolls. Couldn't have been any more perfect if I happened to look up "Livin' Lovin' Maid (She's Just a Woman)" or some song called "I hate women so I fuck them" which has yet to be written, but will probably be a top 10 single among 11 year old boys in a few months.

"Personality Crisis"

Well we cant take it this week
And her friends dont want another speech
Hoping for a better day to hear what shes got to say

All about that
Personality crisis you got it while it was hot
But now frustration and heartache is what you got
(thats why they talk about personality)

But now your tryin to be some no you got to do some
Wanna be someone who cow wow wows
But you think about the times you did they took every ounce
When it sure got to be a shame when you start to scream and shout
You got to contradict all those times you were butterflyin about

(you were butterflyin)
All about that personality crisis you got it while it was hot
But now frustration and heartache is what you got
break

And your a prima ballerina on a spring afternoon
Change on into the wolfman howlin at the moon hooowww

All about that personality crisis you got it while it was hot
But now frustration and heartache is what you got

Now with all the crossin fingers that mother nature says
Your mirrors get jammed up with all your friends

That personality everything starts to blend
Personality when your mind starts to blend
Personality impression of a friend,
Of a friend, of a friend, of a friend, of a friend
Personality wonderin how celebrities ever met
(look and find out on television)

Personality crisis you got it while it was hot
Frustration and heartache is all you got, dont you worry
Personality crisis please dont cry
Its just a personality crisis, please dont stop

Because you walk a personality
Talk a personality

Reason for the end of the world

"...Americans are turning into annoyingly self-absorbed hypochondriacs. Why? Because they can. Go ahead and cry, says the prevailing psychological wisdom. Any trifling discomfort you might feel has been legitimized. Your pain is valid. If you think you're sick, you are."

Kalle Lasn, (Adbusters) argues in Culture Jam (Quill Books, 2000) that the world is falling apart because

1) Americans are rich, bored and empty, consuming everything in their path and treating the natural world like a minor disturbance at best and a potential mall parking lot

and

2) because everyone wants to be like Americans.

Is it too late for humans with influence to acknowledge this and collectively act to change it? Some people claim that humans are above all a self-preserving species, and we'll figure out a solution to the most massive crisis the planet has probably ever faced (worked for the Cold War, sort of. Fifty years ago, a lot of people thought we'd all be blown to bits by now). But, it doesn't help when such a small number of people control the way the entire world works.

If you're not angry/scared/outraged , you're just taking up space. In the immortal words of the Clash, "anger can be power if you know how you can use it."

New Genre Alert: GOP Rock!

After years and years of speculation, a link between an appreciation of classic cock rock and being a huge douchebag has been proven!
In this case douchebag= Republican, but rare is the instance when it does not.

There is now empirical evidence that those fat sad repressed males who listen to Bad Company on their daily commute are more likely to vote Republican. What's next, proof that men who beat their wives and call Mexicans "spics" are more likely to vote Republican too?

I want to know who decided to take up this particular case as warranting a survey. This could be a new trend in demographic research. Who do Jewel fans vote for? What about the vast majority of Kenny G fans?

Further, the irony of the fact that fans of the Who and Pink Floyd are voting Republican is almost too much to bear. Ted Nugent I can see. But the bands whose songs contained the lyrics "We won't get fooled again" and "Mother should I trust the president?" in angry and nihilistic politically charged songs? Oh, world. You're so cute when you get things completely wrong.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the corporate tie-ins of classic rock bands as they wank their way into old age (see Pete Townsend). In a few years they'll be playing all the same songs in nursing homes and hopefully we can bury the classic rock radio format with Keith Richards' corpse. Some rich old guy who's driving around in his Cadillac (R) with "Black Dog" ALL THE WAY UP or using his American Express Rewards (TM) because the Rolling Stones "Free to do what I want" is the campaign jingle is the perfect ending to a completely self-serving and worthless generation who ruined everything and is leaving the clean up for us.

At least they left us some good tunes though.